previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Alright, well, we're gonna start your training, I guess.
Okay, uh, what do we do?
Close your eyes.
Right at the edge where the water meets the land, a cold frost starting to spread out along the water.
Your powers will grow naturally as you begin to hone and perfect the abilities that you currently have.
So, since you've never really been anywhere, Dragon Lady, like, what are you doing here?
I am on a mission to save the world.
I'm sorry, save the world?
Both of you notice some people come in.
They're wearing very official guard armor.
Gotta take a whiz.
You begin to mosey out thinking you have the greatest disguise of all time.
There he is!
Glim! Hey, yeah, yeah.
Thanks for the nachos.
Don't forget to wash your hands.
But I'll stick my hand in there, see what I find.
Miss Man Meow-Meow's not gonna be very happy about this.
Oh, Miss Man Meow-Meow has nothing to worry about.
You can explain to her why you didn't go back with the book to explain that to her once we get back.
It's called playing love, god.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
And with me today is Karla Johnson.
I am here and I play Glim.
I am a dragonborn pAlydin.
Also with me, Tom Laird.
Yeah, that's me.
I play Moot, who is a half-orc wild magic sorcerer.
And Amy More.
Yep.
That's my name.
Don't wear it out.
And I play Sullivan Slate, a lightfoot halfling rogue.
Welcome, everybody.
How are we feeling?
Feeling good.
Good, good.
I like Amy's classic.
That's my name.
Don't wear it out.
It's a real playground motif we got going on here.
It's very good.
I feel like there's going to be some rubber and glue coming up in this episode.
Who knows?
Oh, shit.
Who knows?
Maybe a fight at three o'clock by the seesaw.
You, me, bike racks.
Shit.
I mean, don't.
All our patrons are so nice.
I don't think they'd do that.
They're very nice.
Unless it was like to roll some die.
Yeah, and like play marbles.
We for sure have tape in our living room floor.
Summoning circle.
It looks like a summoning circle.
We'll post a picture later.
But it's actually to play marbles.
Oh, that's fun.
Because when you have three living rooms.
One of them becomes the marble chamber.
I should move to Edmonton.
There's just space, hey?
Yep.
You can have a whole room for marbles.
A whole marble room.
But also when you're a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron, Blaine Covert.
Thanks, Blaine.
Blaine, you're amazing.
Thank you so much.
We appreciate you.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And now, fuck it, let's play D&D.
Moot, you have been in the fallen tower for a little while now.
And hanging out with Gabriel, what have you guys been talking about?
Is it easier to do like ice magic?
Because it seems to be everything that I'm kind of like,
that's the one I can feel the most right now.
Sometimes you can feel all of the elements,
but you seem to be very focused on like the water ice aspect,
which is which is totally fine.
As you get more in touch with your ability,
that might expand to more other things.
Fire, earth, wind.
What about heart?
Could be heart.
Maybe mind.
Okay.
Yeah, I mean, I feel like those other ones are there.
They're just not within reach like the ice is.
Cool.
I'm going to try something.
Hey, can you pass me that thing way over there
on the counter without standing up?
No.
Yeah, but try.
Oh, oh, okay.
Okay, so Moot kind of looks real hard at,
I'm assuming it's another tankard of ale.
What a wild guess.
Right?
Am I able to like reach out and grab this with my mind, Russ?
With my mage hand?
Yeah, yeah, let's say you do.
Yeah, so Moot has the necklace around his wrist still,
and he kind of is just like rubbing one of the feathers
as he's looking at this tankard,
and it slowly kind of starts to shake and lift off the ground ever so slightly.
You see kind of a faint Glimer of a hand.
What does the hand look like?
Can it look like anything?
I didn't look too closely at the spell.
Yeah, I mean, it's a manifestation of your own sort.
It's a hand Patronus.
It can have any description that you so desire.
Okay, it looks like more of a claw than a hand.
Okay, what kind of claw are we thinking?
Just for painting that word picture.
I mean, Moot always liked the ocean, so it looks like a crab claw.
Cool, yeah, I like that.
You see a faint image of a crab claw,
and you see Gabriel kind of lean back in his chair as this happens.
This is going to be interesting,
and it like pincers onto the handle.
He says, if you drop it, I'm going to wreck something of yours.
And just as it's lifting, it kind of drops back to the table
and kind of like shakes and like a little bit splashes out.
That was a close one there, bud.
You can do it.
I don't know if a crab claw is going to help you
when you really need it, though.
Not trying to hush your crab buzz, but...
No, that's...
That's the first thing that came to mind.
What would you recommend?
He looks at his hand, and he says,
What do you use to pick things up with?
I know why he drinks so much now.
Are all his students like this?
Poor guy.
I would have to assume so.
I'm sorry, you want me to explain a hand to you?
Okay, I need a minute.
Not trying to tell you how to do your job there, Moot, but...
But I mean, you're the teacher.
That's your job is to tell me how to do my job.
He casts Mage Hand, and tell me something that might be in your pocket.
Notepad.
Oh yeah, perfect.
You see him kind of wave his hand, and down beside you,
a spectral hand kind of floats down with your notepad in it,
and it's a large gloved hand, comically large fingers,
and he says,
Something that can hold things, my friend.
Picture something that can hold things.
I mean, that does seem more useful than a crab claw.
You win this round, Gabriel.
The hand is just waving a notebook in your face at this point.
Slapping.
You're going to snatch it from the hand.
It releases and then disperses.
At that moment, the door opens, and you see Glim walk in.
What does Glim look like as she's walking in,
coming from the scenario she just came from?
I don't think, yeah, she's like,
that was all just like a curious incident, right?
So what she really wants to do is get back to her room
so she can look at what this book is,
because to her, much as she values education,
book, not precious send out the guards kind of thing.
Sure.
So she's walking pretty briskly to get where she's going,
rather than stopping.
She also has already had food, and then also nachos,
and then several beers,
so probably doesn't need any more snacks.
But notices Moot, yeah?
Yep.
Kate?
Then I'm going to wave, maybe come over, probably.
I guess it depends how Moot looks when I wave.
I would think he'd be excited to see her again.
Kate?
Well, then in that case-
If there was a wave back-
I would come over.
Hi, you're here.
This must be your teacher.
Is this your teacher?
Yeah, this is Gabriel.
I'm sorry for him.
Okay, hi, Gabriel.
I'm Glim, and I hold out my hand.
He stands up and shakes your hand and says,
pleasure to meet you.
Glim, was it?
Glim, yeah, Glim.
Sorry, go ahead.
No, you go ahead.
Teachers first.
I think it's the same.
I was just teaching Moot here
a valuable lesson in how to hold things.
Oh.
It was harder than it sounds.
So are your studies going well, then?
I thought they were.
Now I'm not so sure.
Tell me, Glim, when you reach out for something
to pick it up and you have your eyes closed,
what do you picture is picking that thing up?
Oh, well, I guess a hand like mine
with like the three claws and the thumb
and, you know, just the-
So not a crab claw.
Oh, no.
Were we doing like an ocean theme?
I didn't know.
It maybe would be a crab claw then
or maybe some kind of like cephalopod suction cup.
I don't know.
Could have been something fun
if we were going whimsical.
You two are perfect for each other.
I'm going to go get my drink.
That Sir Moot here was unable to deliver.
I shall return, Moot.
And he walks off to the bar.
So things went well today?
I think so.
I mean, he showed me-
Well, I don't know if he even really showed me,
but he helped me do some magic.
Well, that's good.
Yeah.
And then, yeah, then he made a lot of fun of me
in that last part.
So that was less good.
Right.
Just one of those kind of teachers, hey?
Yeah.
I mean, well, I kind of spilled a beer of his earlier
and I think it just put him in a bad mood.
Oh, I would suspect, having just met the man,
that maybe he holds his beers very precious.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, yeah, it's a bit of a problem, I think.
Yeah.
Yeah, I could see how that might be a problem.
But do you think-
You look over and he already has two empty containers
in front of him.
Yeah, that tracks.
See, I told you it's a problem.
Yeah, wow.
Oh, I'm so rude.
What did you get up to today?
Oh, you know, this and that.
A weird thing just happened, though.
Oh.
I was over at another tavern across town
and I was about to go in
and I saw this little halfling fella
and he was looking kind of, um, I don't know, shifty?
Oh, okay.
And then there was guards.
Seemed like maybe they were looking for someone,
but I'm looking for a halfling.
So I thought, well, maybe this is a nice guy.
Anyway, we went in, we had a drink,
we had some nachos, he seemed really great,
but then the guards took him away.
They think he stole something from Castle Never.
Oh, so he was the one they were looking for.
It looks that way.
I don't know, he seemed pretty great to me,
but I'm not sure.
It's very strange, but, you know, kind of fun.
It's sort of what you want to happen
in the big city, to be honest with you.
I guess, yeah, it's, you know,
a little bit of everything happening, apparently.
Yeah, a little bit of adventure.
Oh.
Well, I mean, I just did some magic all day.
That sounds way more fun.
Um, I mean, doing magic all day
sounds pretty incredible.
What can you, what did you do?
Do you, is that rude?
I'm sorry, is that a rude thing to ask?
No, no, no, not at all.
Um, it was a lot of, like,
it seems to be easy for me to do, like, ice magic?
Oh, cool.
Get it cool, because.
No, no, no, no, I got it.
I liked it.
I would, I would show you something,
but I don't want to break anything
or hurt anyone in here.
I'm not super good with it yet.
Right, I mean, I'm staying here,
so I also would prefer you didn't break anything
or hurt anyone.
Do you think that you're going to
do more magic with Gabriel tomorrow?
I would think so.
He said that he thinks, you know,
getting off to a good start sort of thing,
but I would think there's still probably a lot to learn.
So yeah, we were down by the river earlier doing the magic.
So maybe if you want to find us tomorrow,
you can come down there and I can show you.
Ooh, that sounds really fun.
OK, well, I'm getting pretty sleepy,
so I'm going to I'm going to head to bed,
but it was really good to see you again
and maybe I'll come see you do some magic tomorrow.
Very cool.
Well, have a great night, Glim.
Glim, you head up to your to your room
and you make it there and close the door behind you.
And then I like pull out that book
and start looking at it to see what this precious book is,
because it looked pretty normal from the outside, right?
I mean, it's not bejeweled or anything.
No, it's actually bedazzled.
It's a red leather book.
It has a symbol on it with a monocle
on a chain with fire beneath it.
And you open the book.
The writing in it is illegible to you.
It does not look like any language that you understand.
So it's not necessarily illegible.
It's just like unintelligible to me because I can't read it.
Yes, that was probably a better word to use.
But yes, you get like their penmanship is super sloppy.
Scroll down.
Did Russ write this?
In fact, it is.
It is my writing.
No, but no, it is a language you don't understand.
So it's not illegible.
It's just you can't understand it.
You can't read it.
I mean, that's not going to stop me from looking through it
for like the next half an hour, to be honest,
to see if I can like puzzle anything out.
Maybe there's like numbers or something,
because that would be a more universal language.
But I'm just, that'll be my bedtime reading.
All right.
You continue to read.
And we cut back to Ms. Mam-Meow-Meow's office.
The two guards walk through the door carrying you and say,
well, we found them and plunky down in a chair
as she spins her chair back around and says,
you were supposed to bring me something.
Ms. Mam-Meow-Meow.
I had it.
These a-holes, busting in, ruining my cover,
making me freak out, right?
I was just refueling.
Pretty sure we came in pretty quiet, actually.
The fact that you came in at all set me on edge,
thinking I've been caught.
So what do I do?
Do I just give the ledger back?
All of that hard work,
you don't get nothing, I get thrown back in jail.
So where's the ledger now?
It's hidden.
Where?
In a bathroom.
She has a very perpLexed face.
Why would you hide it in a bathroom?
Please, you're in a tavern.
Where else are you going to hide stuff?
It's too big for what you're thinking, sir.
And I look back at the other guard and I'm like,
well, anyway, I would have had it back here lickety split
had these dudes not shown up.
Yeah, but they said they found you in a tavern
in the opposite direction.
Refueling.
I had to, I wasn't just going to head
right back to the prison.
Here, follow me right back holding this illegal item
that I just stole from the castle
right back to the person who asked me to go get it.
That doesn't sound very smart.
So no, no, to throw them off,
I went in the opposite direction.
Met a really nice doughy eyed gal.
She bought me nachos.
It was great because you didn't leave me with any money.
Were they the eel nachos?
They were the eel nachos.
Very good.
They were so good.
Yep.
So.
Gruul's going to taste real bad after those.
Yep.
So these these a-holes bust in here.
I panic.
I stash the item.
You could have had it by now.
She looks to her guards.
She's like, go, go get the item.
Go get the book.
Well, there might be just one small problem.
See, I had to Jimmy make a waterproof case for it.
Where did you put it?
The sink.
Why?
Because you don't understand
this bathroom didn't have very many options, okay?
Anyway, that doughy eyed gal I told you about,
who bought me the nachos?
I think she has.
Because I knew, left for a really long time,
that book would be useless to everybody.
All waterlogged.
It would have been absolutely destroyed.
Any information in it.
So I wanted her to get it out of that water quick.
She's staying at the Fallen Tower.
Tavern?
The Fallen Tower.
Sure.
Yeah, that's the one.
Anyway, she's super nice.
She's got your thing.
One of you go check the bar.
One of you go to the Fallen Tower.
And find me the book.
Oh hey, be nice to her though.
She's super nice.
She asks a lot of questions, the guard says.
If that's the one you're talking about.
Oh yeah, she's never been anywhere, apparently.
Poor girl hasn't traveled at all.
So go easy on her.
The two guards leave with their instructions.
And Miss Man Miao Miao.
Well, until that book comes back,
it appears we have no deal.
So you're going to be staying here until,
at the very least, the book comes back.
Okay, yes, that makes sense.
Rules is rules.
However, remember Merv?
Yes, where is your good friend Merv,
who had all of the information that you needed
in order to carry out this plan?
That motherfucker got pulled through a portal.
Well, this is how shit went sideways.
Listen, hear me out.
Okay.
We're in Neverwinter Ever's chamber.
Castle Never.
Yeah, whatever.
Lord Neverember keeps his stuff pretty clean.
It's nice.
I find the book, right?
As I do, boom, portal opens up out of nowhere.
Shit's flying everywhere.
Two, two guys, maybe three, probably ten.
Ten guys come out, right, of this portal.
I'm fighting them back.
I'm, I'm kicking ass, really.
I'm just like roundhouse kicks
and then I'm sending those assholes
back to where they came from.
In the midst of all this, though,
and these shenanigans,
one of them takes Merv right back through the portal.
It's one less prisoner I have to feed, I guess.
Whoa, cold.
Miss, ma'am, kitty, meow, meow, that's cold.
Sully, I hope the book is where you say the book is.
I don't lie.
I'm not gonna lie right now.
That's, that's to be determined.
Yeah, fair enough, fair enough.
You two sit staring at each other.
Wanna play cards?
Cold silence.
Oh.
As we cut back to the Fallen Tower.
It's getting later at this point.
Would you still be there?
Um, it depends.
Is Gabriel still worth a conversation
or is he gone past the point of no return?
He's kind of at the same spot when you first met him.
Oh, yeah, I would have left a long time ago then.
Okay, then you're not there.
Glim, you're in your room
flipping through this book that you can't read.
Mm-hmm.
And you hear heavy armored footsteps
coming up the stairs to your room.
You hear them walking down the hall.
Okay, I'll like slide the book, I don't know,
like under the mattress with my porn mags
that I immediately put there when I got here.
My porn etchings, like I don't know what's,
I put it under the mattress.
Yes.
Hi, it's really late.
You see three guards,
but the one right in front is the one
you were questioning on what this item could be.
Right.
And he looks down at you and kind of sighs a little bit
but then says to his other friends, search the room.
Wait, how tall is he that he's looking down on her?
Yeah, I'm 6'5".
I forgot.
He's looking slightly up at you.
Yep, he's a tall gentleman himself.
I'm going to like put my arm across the door like,
what do you mean search the room?
This is my room, I haven't done anything wrong.
Who are you?
We have reason to believe that the fellow
who was escorted from the previous tavern
you were in this evening, Miss,
might have left something with you.
The alleged linenist.
The alleged linenist, that's him, yes.
And by what authority are you searching my room?
Who are you?
I am the head of the Neverwinter Guard.
Well, I'm not, I'm an upstanding citizen,
so I guess search my room.
The two other guards walk in and begin,
uh, there's not a lot of things in your room,
but they begin more or less tossing everything.
Hey, I mean, you could do that a bit.
There's no need to be destructive about it,
is there?
In fact, it doesn't even make sense.
You just move a bunch of stuff to one spot,
it's making it harder to search the room.
They're professionals.
They search for a few minutes.
One of them tosses over the bed
and finds your porn mags, as well as the book.
It says, we got it.
I mean, you can just get that stuff anywhere.
You don't need to come here and take mine from my room.
It's, I mean, it explains me what these porn mags look like.
Let's say, yeah, I would have sex positive right now, that glim is.
This is good.
She's unabashed.
We've already described what bathrooms look like in this world.
Now it's time to describe what porn magazines look like.
I'm very interested.
Yeah, I mean, I guess just like very realistic sketches in like scrolls.
No, they can't be scrolls.
They could be like, I mean, there's books in this world,
so they would be like pamphlet.
The guard says, do what you want with the porn guys,
but we need the book.
And you're going to have to come with us, miss.
It's glim.
Glim.
Okay.
I mean, I'm a rule follower.
I'll go with them.
They escort you down and through the tavern
and you draw some attention as you're being walked out.
They don't handcuff you or anything,
but you're clearly being escorted out.
And unless you want to discuss anything in particular with them.
I'm sure I do, but you probably don't need it for this podcast
as I just pepper them with inane questions.
That's fair.
You find yourself at the prison and they put you into a cell.
They lock the cell door and leave through the door in which you came in,
close it and you look across and you see Sully in the chamber across from you.
Ah, crap.
Yeah.
I didn't think I'd end up here after talking to you.
You wanted the full city experience though, didn't you?
How many people get to say they got thrown in the clink?
Well, Sully, you're right.
I have in all the places I've never been.
I have also never been to prison.
Well, you don't need to brag.
But you know what?
You're not in any trouble.
You're gonna be fine.
Well, I mean, I tried.
I tried.
I found the book.
Awesome.
I mean, which means they have the book now.
Yeah, that's bad because I mean like leverage and stuff.
Yeah.
I mean, what can you do?
Did you do you know what that book is?
Yeah, it's a ledger.
Did you open it?
No, didn't have time.
Huh, it's in some language that I don't speak or read.
I couldn't even understand it.
There didn't seem to be any numbers,
which would be weird for a ledger.
But well, we may never know.
You don't need good songs.
I mean, nothing's coming to mind.
What do you got?
I don't have much, but I have these two spoons.
I could play you some spoons.
I mean, that sounds nice.
I love the sound of spoons as I try to drift off to sleep in prison.
Well, you know, like I'm clacking them against my knee, right?
I'm actually very fairly talented at it.
The sound of spoons carries through the windows out into the streets
as you remain in your cells for the rest of the night.
Welcome to the middle.
We're so glad you're here.
Yep.
Oh, come on.
This is the part where we say how much we appreciate you
and you beat you for being here
and how awesome you are and how much we love you.
All of those things.
We are also very delighted when you do things for us.
Some of those things include rating and reviewing the show.
I mean, not just our show.
If you rate and review any of your favorite podcasts,
that's a bonus thing and podcasters really appreciate it
because maybe it helps, maybe it doesn't,
but it certainly makes us feel good for putting out
for putting out a thing that you enjoy.
So if you can, if you haven't done so already
and if you can, we'd really appreciate a rating and review
on either iTunes or Stitcher or anywhere else
that you can leave reviews.
May I read one?
You may.
All right.
This one is from Apple Podcasts.
It says, awesome D&D podcast, five stars.
These D&D freaks are super funny
and really make you feel like you're there having fun with them.
Great work.
Download this.
And the naked dwarf has to be my favorite.
Go Tom Go.
That's from Jimmy Bo Bob Brain.
This is from Joe Holland on Podcast Republic.
Awesome actual play podcast.
Russ is an excellent DM.
True.
Amy is funny as hell.
True.
Tom is a great player.
True.
And Carla is kind and friendly.
Like being around the table with friends.
The show is a wonderful mix of combat, rules, and RP.
You doinks.
Awesome.
This one's from Apple Podcasts.
And it says, lovely, five stars.
I'm finally caught up.
So now I'm impatient to hear what's next.
80 episodes in a month is just not enough of these lovelies.
I get my fill with D&D, dick jokes, and darlings in one pod.
Smiley face.
Thank you.
And that's from LLTMSFanboy417.
And this last one is from William Rhino Henderson from Facebook.
And he writes, hilarious story of an elf, human, and dwarf trio
steadying their way towards saving the world.
Give them a listen.
Hilarity and dick jokes abound as Flint, Thea, and Nulara figure out just who they are
and what they're made of when it comes to saving all of Faerun.
That's a better way to write the synopsis of our podcast.
I mean, really, maybe we please use that.
Gonna swap that right away.
Thank you so much.
But thank you all for those who have reviewed.
We have some other reviews that we'll get to next time we talk about reviews.
So thank you all.
And if you can, please do so on the places that allow you to do so.
Thank you.
Now, back to the episode.
The end of time and other bothers.
An improvised fantasy role-playing podcast set in the world of Alba Salix.
The world has still ended.
You guys see how pretty it is outside, though?
So you give presentations of some kind.
This extremely devastating explosion was, in fact, a celebration.
And you, my good lady, ladle cheap foodstuffs out to people.
All right, Faerie, Demon, sit down and shut up.
Thank heavens.
We three have been chosen to be the saviors of the entire multiverse.
Do you see that Minotaur sitting out in the food court?
What Minotaur?
He was right there.
There were some zombies, but Black blew them up.
I climbed a tree.
And we're skipping ahead.
Oh, yeah, no, OK.
Three normal dweebs thrown back in time to an era of magic.
What is this place?
And sent on an adventure more absurd than they ever could have imagined.
Egerton, you didn't even need a Faerie cake.
Why did you eat a Faerie cake?
Because I stress eat sometimes.
That's the end of Time and Other Bothers from the makers of Albus Salix Royal Physician.
Listen and subscribe at otherbothers.com
or search for Other Bothers in your favorite podcast app.
Do I get to keep all of my body parts?
Not if I have any say in it.
It's the next day.
Moot, you wake up at Nogwood's.
I'm going to head out ASAP over to the Fallen Tower
and see if I can invite Glim over to watch me do some magic.
So you walk to the Fallen Tower and you walk in and you don't see Glim right away.
How long do you wait around?
A few minutes and then I go ask like a barkeep
if maybe Glim's been around this morning.
Yeah, there's one barkeep that you have previously met, Barlick.
Barlick, I'm looking for my friend Glim, Dragonborn.
Have you seen her?
I heard she got escorted out there last night by the police, the Old Town Guard.
Wait, was she like marched out or was she going willingly?
It appeared she was going willingly, but there were three guards
and they were clearly escorting her off to probably jail.
It is usually where they take people.
Okay, yeah.
If Gabriel shows up, tell him I'll be there.
I'll be a little bit late, but I will be back.
He loves it when people are late, but they'll be back.
I will be the one to bring him that such good news.
You know what?
I'm going to pour this right away just in case.
Yeah, just have it ready and waiting.
That'd be great.
Yeah, will do.
I'm going to book it over towards the jail.
You know where it is because you heard someone yelling out of the jail.
So you make it to the jail.
So when I walked past the jail before, when I overheard,
it was like what?
A floor up?
A couple floors up?
No, it was a floor up.
All right, so I'm going to go stand kind of under that window.
Okay.
Sort of thing and just kind of...
Glim?
Are you up there?
Hey, what's up?
Glim?
No.
Oh.
God?
No.
No, it's...
It's Mee Moot.
Mee Moot.
Hey, hey, dragon lady.
Do you know a Mee Moot?
I know a Moot.
He's a...
I just met him.
Yeah.
Why?
Who are you talking to?
I don't know.
There's just sounds coming through the window.
Someone's yelling, Mee Moot.
I just...
I don't know.
But like if this guy's...
Okay, hold on.
I'm sorry, what's your name?
Moot.
Okay.
Yeah, Moot.
He's my friend.
I know him.
You...
Oh.
Maybe, I guess, can you tell him that I'm in here?
Sure.
Hey, Mee Moot.
Yeah.
Yeah, the dragon lady is in here.
Glim.
Oh, Glim.
Glim's in here.
Is everyone okay?
Is she okay?
Moot, it's jail, so I'm gonna let you put two and two together there, buddy.
He's not very smart, is he?
Uh, okay.
Why is she in jail?
Oh, that would be my fault.
Yeah, I'd take full responsibility for that.
Hey, you have any special skills?
I can do magic stuff.
Oh, that's good.
Can you whip us up a portal?
Uh, oh, that's...
No, that's a little bit too advanced for me.
Can you blow this place apart?
Again, I probably can't.
Ah, got me Moot.
What can you do?
Uh, I don't know.
I just usually make things really cold,
but I don't think that's gonna help much.
Well, it's jail.
It's kind of damp already.
I do have a chill.
Glim, you cold?
I mean, it's not warm in here.
No, okay.
So we're fine, you know, temperature-wise.
We got cold under...
Is there anything you can do?
Uh, I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I can kind of pick things up with a magical hand and move them places.
Is there anything you need?
Maybe I can drop it through the window for you?
Sure, that sounds like a real thing.
That doesn't sound like a real thing.
I mean, his teacher kind of indicated that this was a thing he could do
because we had a whole conversation about what you use to pick things up.
I'm sorry.
You had a whole conversation surrounding what you use to pick things up?
Well, in Moot's defense, he's very new to this magic thing.
Okay, yeah, but is he new to picking stuff up?
Well, I can't speak to that.
We just met.
I assume not.
He seems like a healthy young guy.
Okay.
Do we need anything in here?
He might be able to help.
Like...
What's gonna happen here?
I've never, as I said, I'm not bragging, but I've never been in jail.
Sounds like a brag to me, but okay.
What should we...
Humble brag.
What should we...
Hashtag blessed.
I mean, now that you mention it, I am very blessed.
Oh, my God.
Okay, so here's what's gonna happen.
They have what they want.
They have us locked up.
And that's pretty much just gonna stay that way because we've lost
our whole leverage that we would have to keep us out of jail.
Really sorry I got dragged into all this.
That sucks.
That's on me.
I owe you one.
But maybe if Moo could like, I don't know, get us the keys.
Oh, get me my thieves tools back from Miss Miamiao.
Play the nachos would be good.
Yeah, those eel ones were good, weren't they?
They were good.
You just hear like mumble conversation up above.
What about, couldn't he...
I don't know about thieves tools.
Are they very personalized?
Maybe he could find some different ones.
Put them through the window.
Or an explosive.
Well, I mean, that seems more dangerous and maybe harder to find.
I haven't been in the city long, so maybe not, but...
Okay, well, sure.
Hey, hey, me moot.
It's just moot.
Okay, just moot.
Nope, moot.
Just, just moot.
That's what I said.
Can you get us some, like, some thieves tools up over yonder window?
What's a thieves tool?
Like, what do you use?
Well, it's not a tool.
It's thieves tools.
It's like a little pouch.
It's got a bunch of knickety-knackety screwdrivers and stuff.
I bet Gabriel will know.
Oh, Glim says ask Gabriel.
He'll know.
Oh, okay, I'll...
Yes, go ask a grown-up.
That's always a good...
Yeah, go get an adult.
Me moot, get an adult.
I'll ask Gabriel.
I'll come back.
Hang on.
Neat.
Hey, in the meantime, Glim, can you, like, feign sickness or injury?
I'll yell for the guard.
This is a classic one.
It could work.
One of us could end up being stabbed.
Either way, it's like a real role.
But you're super big.
So, like, you fall over.
I'm like, ah, guards, ah, guards.
And then when they come in to check on you, you kill them.
Or incapacitate them.
It's totally up to you.
And then we get their keys and get out.
Moot, where do you go to find Gabriel?
There's only one place to find Gabriel, my friend.
You run back to the Fallen Tower.
Come quickly, out of breath at this point, running through the door.
And Gabriel is at the bar.
And he has a drink in his hand.
Moot, I appreciate the drink.
Oh, you got the drink I left for you.
Next time, pay for it.
Well, I just.
Yeah, I got my that friend of mine that you met last night.
You know, Glim, you remember Glim?
Very lovely.
She knows how to pick things up.
Yeah, actually, that's what I.
Anyway, do you know where I could get like some thieves tools?
Or is it I was told it was a set.
Is it just the one tool?
What do you want thieves tools for?
To help Glim.
Where is Glim?
Jail.
Why is Glim in jail?
I don't know.
I couldn't really talk to her, but this other person said it was their fault.
I think it's all just a big misunderstanding.
So if it is a misunderstanding, usually that is found out.
And the people in charge of finding that out
determine that she's innocent and she'll let her free.
Now, if you get thieves.
Wait, wait, if you get thieves tools, moot.
Poor dear moot doesn't know how to pick things up.
And you break out of jail.
Even if you were innocent on the first count, you've now broken out of jail.
And you're guilty on that charge.
So your friend will actually be in trouble if you get the thieves tools.
Oh, I guess I didn't stop to think about it that way.
See, I'm just worried that it's like I'm worried because they took her there last
night and she's still in jail this morning.
So I'm thinking that maybe they're not so inclined to think it was a misunderstanding.
So she's been in jail for less than six hours.
Maybe eight.
I kind of blacked out.
You do that a lot.
Could have been 10.
And you think maybe they're not.
I haven't even had a full guard rotation yet, moot.
Well, I don't know when these things happen.
That's fair.
OK, I'm not going to tell you where to find these tools, moot.
I don't want to get you in trouble.
No, I mean, that makes a lot of sense the way that you put it.
But how do like how can I help them?
Well, glim mostly, but I'm sure that other person's nice, too.
You know what you can do?
You know what you can do is you can probably if you know she's in there,
you said she didn't talk directly to her.
If you know she's in there, maybe you can be a character witness for her.
How well do you know this is glim?
Well, not very.
I mean, we both just kind of got to town, but she seems great.
Well, she's a follower of Bahamut, so like that's got to be.
That's got to count for something.
People are always truthful.
So what do you want to do in this instance, moot?
I go practice magic or and wait for your friends to be your friend friends.
I don't know how many people you're talking to in jail to be let out.
You want to go find thieves tools and leave me here to drink.
Well, I guess we could go.
Go. How often do the guard rotations happen?
Like, when was that?
When is the next one ready to go?
It's usually three in a day.
OK, so sometime very soon then should be the next one.
Sure. Yeah.
OK, I think let's go practice magic for an hour or two.
And then I'll go back to the jail.
And if they're not out yet, I'll maybe go see if I can talk to the warden.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Miss Ma'am Meow Meow is the warden of the jail there.
And Moot takes out his notebook and writes Miss Ma'am Meow Meow down on it.
Good. Taking notes.
All right. Get me a road pop and head out.
I kind of moot waves at the bartender.
One more.
The door opens and a guard comes in.
And he looks to both of you and says, Sully, let's go see Miss Ma'am Meow Meow.
OK, awesome. Glim, Glam, M'lady, I'll be back, probably.
He'll be back.
Oh, OK. Good luck.
You go through the routine, hands through the bars,
cuffed.
When I put my hands through the bars this time, I try to tickle him.
He's not having any of it.
He slaps them on in there much tighter than they were the previous time.
And the door slides open and he escorts you out.
You make it to Miss Ma'am Meow Meow's office and he sits you down in the chair.
And she has the book on the table in front of her.
The guard leaves.
He says, well, we found the book.
Thank goodness.
Told you.
Miss Ma'am Meow Meow.
I wouldn't let you down.
No, you wouldn't.
But here's the thing, Sully.
I don't know.
I don't know if I can trust you.
Trust me with what?
With this information of obtaining the book for me.
My God, what is it with this book?
I don't care.
I'm not even supposed to be in Neverwinter.
How would I leave and never come back?
I mean, in your own, in the way you've described your travels here,
you don't even know how you got here.
So how do I know that you'll leave and not come back unbeknownst to yourself?
My God, if I do, I'll just keep leaving.
I don't know what I can say.
But I do know that the shiny dragonborn in the cell across from me
for sure knows pretty much absolutely nothing about anything.
Sweet girl.
But she, too, has seen the book.
Knows that you obtained it somehow, I presume.
And knows that now is in the possession of the prison as well.
So she, too, is in trouble.
As far as she knows, you guys apprehended me because I stole something and you return it.
Is that not how the justice system works?
Justice system is shades of gray under Miss Man Meow Meow sometimes.
It's very difficult to know.
Listen, she's a sweet thing.
She doesn't belong here.
Keep me.
Let her go.
I appreciate what you're saying.
I mean, I'm going to have to keep both of you, at least for a little while.
Miss Man Meow Meow, come on, do me a solid.
I lost my best friend Merv.
You know what?
Okay.
Just because I feel so bad about Merv,
we won't keep you here.
You and your new friend, you can be transferred to another prison.
Where?
Elsewhere.
Is that a town?
Is that a nearby town?
It's an extended branch of our organization here.
How far is elsewhere?
Because travel, you know.
Quite a ways away.
Oh, okay.
Yes, I can't tell you exactly.
Because I don't trust you.
I don't trust you.
All right.
Well, I don't want to be a neverwinder.
No offense.
Don't want to see you again.
I get it.
I understand.
Enjoy your book.
I'll go tell Flynn the good news.
Great.
I hope she enjoys it as well.
Let's go.
I'm talking to the guard.
Would you like, would you like me to call the guard
or just want to talk to the guard that's non-existent?
No, it's fine.
You can, you can call him.
Guard!
Guard comes back in.
Just let's go.
That's what I said.
He brings you back to your cell and locks you up and leaves the room.
Hey, Glim, we're going to be transferred to a prison elsewhere.
I mean, the air quotes make that seem very ominous.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's not good.
I'm pretty sure they're thinking about killing us.
But I do have a plan.
Okay.
Guard!
Help!
Ah!
Help!
I'm not going to kill anyone.
This isn't for you.
Okay.
Ow!
Oh, God!
Guards, please!
The door opens.
I'm laying on the ground.
Fetal position.
Again, Sully?
Can't, I just, my stomach.
I was just in here.
I know, it just came on so suddenly.
It's probably a fart again.
It can't be.
If it still hurts in half an hour, call again.
I'll take your silence as total agreement.
He walks out.
Hey, wait, excuse me.
Yes.
Is there, I mean, I really don't think I belong here.
Could I, what can I do?
Can I talk, is there someone in charge I can talk to?
Yes, yes.
I will, I will go request with the warden
and see if she has some time to speak with you as quick as possible.
I know, I know you.
We don't want to put you out at all.
Okay, I'd really appreciate it if I could speak to her.
Of course.
And he leaves the room, closes the door behind him.
I get up and I look at her and I'm like,
well, that plan didn't work.
He was going to get close and I was going to bite him.
Really scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas here.
We'll get out of this.
It always works out.
Moot, you make it back to the field.
It's been on the outside of an hour, you know, an hour, hour and a half.
And Gabriel's looking at you, he's like,
Moot, you're not, you're not focused.
Nothing's been really, like you've been, you've been able to do a few things,
but nothing's been able, you haven't been able to focus very much today.
No, my, my head, my head's not in the game.
I'm worried about Glim in jail.
It just, it just all seems wrong to me.
All right, finishes the drink that's in his hand.
Let's go talk to the warden.
You go to the jail and in the front door.
Are you leading the conversation?
You want Gabriel to?
Maybe Gabriel.
He might know Miss Miam Miam Miao, Miss Miam Miao Miao a little bit.
You act like that's hard to say or something.
He goes up to the front desk booking area and says Miao Miao around.
Like to just talk to her about some things that she might have in a cell.
Well, the guard looks at Gabriel and says, she might be, she might be around.
Let me just go check.
The guard leaves and Gabriel turns to look at you and says, so
do we just want to tell her that your friend Glim is all free and clear or
what do we want to do here?
I mean, yeah, your character witness idea seemed pretty good and
I guess that's really all we have to go with right now.
All right, the guard comes back in and says, yes, yes, Gabriel, come along.
Your friend can come along too.
You two are led back down a couple winding hallways and into a very lavish chamber
and you see a very rotund fancily dressed tabaxi sitting at her desk and she says,
oh, Gabriel, it's a pleasure to see you.
Who is your new friend?
He turns and looks at you and says, this is Moot.
Don't ask him to hold anything for you.
What a weird introduction.
All right, what can I do for you to find gentlemen today?
Well, Moot here has a request.
He kind of nudges you.
Yeah, I think you have a friend of mine locked up in your jail cell and I don't think she should be in there.
Okay, your friend, who's your friend?
Well, she's a Dragonborn follower of Bahamut named Glim.
Yes, yes, there was a Dragonborn who was involved with a theft at Castle Never.
I mean, surely she couldn't have been involved.
She's a follower of the righteous god Bahamut.
I understand what you're saying and my poor dear Moot, Moot it was, yes?
Yeah.
Some people, they spin lies in order to get what they want, what they desire.
What did she want?
Well, she was caught red handed with a very important ledger stolen from Castle Never.
This ledger right here and she taps it on her on her desk and
we're waiting for Lord Neverember to return in order to give it back to him directly.
Well, I mean, I guess if you caught her red handed, that's pretty circumstantial evidence.
It was underneath her mattress found with other things.
We shall not talk about other things.
But she doesn't sound like a very reputable friend to be around, Moot.
We just don't want, if you're a friend of Gabriel's,
I wouldn't want to steer you wrong here.
Yeah, I guess.
Well, thanks for your time.
Of course, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't do more.
The justice system will have to take its place in this instance
and if truly your friend is found innocent, she will be released that instant.
Out of, out of curiosity, before we, what if she's not found innocent?
What happens then?
Well, she'll be transferred to a higher security facility, hard labor,
hard labor, most likely, for these sorts of instances.
The judge's determination of how long exactly.
Okay, all right, well, I guess Gabriel and I will be going.
Gabriel, it's always lovely to see you and he kind of grunts and ushers you out the door.
You two walk back out the main entrance, he tips his head to the, to the guard and you get out,
out front of the jail and he looks you square in the face and says,
first of all, your friend is not getting out.
No, it didn't sound that way.
Second of all, pretty sure she's, she's, as you say, innocent and Ms. Mamyamiao is probably
not going to send her to a labor camp.
Let's go find you some thief stools.
Uh, do you know a Mimu?
It's more of a, yeah, he's draping them across his face.
No one knows what you're talking about, Tom, except the patrons watching this video.
Don't be weird about it, Tom.
You want to see whatever weird shit is happening right now?
Go to Patreon.com slash Tom Drake.
And then you'll know exactly what was happening.
The song's Nowhere Land, Fuzzball Parade, Thunder Dreams, Marty Got's a Plan,
and Anguish are by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io,
licensed under Creative Commons by Attribution 4.0.
Visit creativecommons.org slash licenses slash buy slash 4.0.